To say that my weekend was eventful would be a bit of an
understatement. Ignoring the tickle at the back of my throat and
filling myself full of caffeine, cold remedies and Olbus oil tissues,
B and I headed over to the Manchester Munch for a quick look in,
mainly to make other people squirm. Then on to the Manchester Poly
group meet, to chat with some pretty like minded people and to meet up
with S. Skipping a little, to Sunday night, S and I headed over to
SMDykes and hopefully, next month, I shall become a card carrying
lesbian. Along with sorting out my dad's new laptop, the weekend was
busy enough without the main event.
Several weeks ago, the idea of S and B co-topping me was brought up.
The mere thought of this had me wiggling a little in my seat, both
with excitement and anticipation but also with a little anxiety. This
stemmed from me knowing that I react and interact with S and B
differently. Something that is ticklish when B does it can make me
squirm with excitement when S does the same things and vice versa.
The good things more than outweighed the slightly awkward and
discussions began, generally with me sat in the middle looking rather
sheepish, embarrassed so much by my two lovers talking about me but
secretly loving my awkward feelings. Then B posted a seemingly
innocent blog post and a seed was planted.
Switch to Sunday afternoon, stood on a balcony, dressed in a makeshift
schoolgirl outfit, shivering more from nerves than the cold. Well,
until the bucket of cold water was poured over my white knickers. The
scene slipped into roleplay that wasn't planned but seemed to work out
and I ended up sobbing my eyes out....from pain, from shame, from
release. I was pushed outside comfort zones but not in the ways I
expected. I was surprised not to find myself acting as the bratty
kid, talking back. There were times when I didn't know who was
wielding the instruments causing my pain, times when I'd feel hits
from both in quick succession, times when I was wondering what they
were plotting between themselves. There were times when I felt
humiliated and I didn't hate it; this was a shock for me. I felt shy
and embarrassed but very much enjoying the feeling too. It's
something that is always hard to explain.
I liked being punished. Actually, that's not the best way to put it.
I liked the pain, I know that. I had to cry. I did feel sorry but I
didn't really know what for. I wasn't sorry they were beating me. I
wasn't even sorry that they forced me to masturbate whilst they walked
off, not knowing if the door was wide open or not. I wasn't sorry
when they were making me come. I don't think I was even that sorry
about what I had done to deserve the punishment but I definitely felt
I had something to be sorry about. There were glimpses into things
that I thought I didn't like or didn't really know much about. I
actually like the horror that someone might have seen me on the
balcony. I didn't feel awful having my knickers gag me. I enjoyed
being looked at in a less than approving way. I think I'm more of an
exhibitionist that I thought I was. The idea of playing in public
doesn't scare me now (well, not in a bad way). I like being made to
feel shy and embarrassed in the right situation.
Being on the receiving end of two people's sadistic tendencies was an
experience that I never expected in my life. I love having both of
them doing bad things to me, I already knew that but having both of
them there, at the same time, having a common aim was an amazing
experience. Doing the dirty with them both at the same time was
overwhelming, a little surreal but was also magnificent and really did
have the 'having my cake and eating it' kind of feeling!
Part of me wants to go into vast detail here, part of me knows I
couldn't even if I tried. My feelings were intense and complicated.
I was reduced to a giggling, grinning wreak by the end of it all. I
just hope S and B both know how good they both made me feel and that I
really am very much in love with both of them and their perverted
ways!
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