Battered and Bruised...

...and loving it!

I've always been kinky but over the last few years, I have become more regressed and vanilla due to many changes in my life. Now that I've gone back to the dark side, I'm having to learn who I am and what I actually do like kink-wise. Some things have been hard to accept, others I've been surprised at and some things have gone full circle from like to dislike to loving! A further prompt to really do some kink-searching was getting together with my new lover. The first serious mention of actual BDSM had me freaking out, quite irrationally, but then, I became excited with the idea and really had to think hard about my limits, likes and ideas. Or course, this has led to some actual experimenting and playing.

My first major set of bruises came from a session where I really pushed my pain threshold and really fought with that part of my brain saying that it was all wrong. I had floods of emotions, including being entirely overwhelmed with how I felt when I realised that, yes, pain does make me very turned on! I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about the marks, bruises and pain for several days but it was novel and quite pretty looking so I hadn't ruled it out again.

Then there has been the first session with S. A week of nerves building up, knowing it would be the first time I was going to be caned, some level of fear of changing what we already had together. But it was an amazing release and a wonderful level of pain. It didn't feel like I had to push myself in the same way because I already knew I could handle it and I wasn't worrying about the marks. A new experience with toys that now don't scare me. But the most interesting thing is how I'm realising I feel about the marks, the pain, the bruising; I'm proud of it. I like being reminded of it. I admit, it was a little weird having B examining the bruise with S pointing out what made which mark and both of them taking advantage of the situation but it was a good weird.

I thought I was just going to be going back to the old me but I have found a new person; someone with more maturity. It's hard to let go of the old little secure idea of who I was but the new person I'm forming is happier, realer and definitely more adventurous...and loves the fact that she has two people trying to make those marks last!