...or a letter of possibility.
I wrote a letter to my parents in my notebook last month, just after the SMDykes workshop on BDSM and poly. I seem to find myself thinking most about coming out to my parents just before the monthly meeting. I don't know exactly why. Maybe it's because of the openly poly people there or because going reminds myself that my parents have no idea about that part of me.
I want to come out to them. I find it hard bending the truth plus I don't want it to come across to anyone that I'm ashamed of S being my girlfriend (which is so far from the truth, it's almost funny). I'm just so scared of their reaction, of the things they might do and say because it hurts them. If I just wanted the easy life, I'd continue not telling them but at what cost? The lies would get bigger, the guilt will get to me and it'd be messy. I've decided there's never going to be a perfect time; there's always going to be something going on that will stop me, a birthday here, father's day there etc and I could put it off forever but that just won't do. It has to be done; they need to be told. By the end of June, I'm going to tell them. Sometime after my cousin's wedding (that's too close and I do have to spend too much time around them to want to tell them beforehand). But how? How can I ever find the right words? What do I tell them? How do I do it? Do I send them a letter and go through the wait, wondering whether they're read it? Do I tell them in person and risk tumbling over my words and getting upset? Do I slip it into casual conversation? Do I hand them a note and wait to see their faces drop? No way is ever going to be perfect but I need to pick one. Anyway...the following is the letter I wrote...I just don't know if this is the 'best' option.
Dear Mum and Dad,
This isn't an easy letter for me to write but I need to be honest with you and to stop hiding something from you that is very important to me.
I am polyamorous. I don't know if this is a term that you've come across but, for me, it means being open to having more than one emotional relationship whilst being honest with everyone involved. B knows about about this and is happy for me because I can be truly myself. My feelings for him haven't changed; he is still my husband, I love him and he means the world to me but there is also someone else in my life, whom I love. S and I have been together for a little while now. She knows all about B and is, in fact, quite good friends with him now.
It has been hard for me to tell you all of this as I don't want you to be disappointed in me; I am still the same person, I just get to be honest and share with you what's going on in my life. It's important that I tell you as I don't want to lie to you and I've hated not being fully open with you. I know it may be hard for you to understand and if you need me to talk to you about it more, please ask me. It doesn't mean that B means any less to me or that our relationship has problems.
I hope that you can accept this of me. I've told you because you are an important part of my life and it was getting too hard knowing that I was keeping things from you.
A x
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