Switch?

I'm starting to even question whether switch is the right identity for
me anymore. I find myself as a bottom to those who I care about
deeply and just don't feel a need to top them, from my point of view.
Recently, I've not even wanted to fight back, although the more I
think about it, the more I want to if the situation arises. It's
strange but I feel that I can't cause them any harm because I care
about them but I don't have a problem them doing it to me and I still
know they care.

I think there's something else there too. I am scared of being a
failure too. If I take control, will everything go wrong? Will I do
things right? Will I satisfy them? Sometimes I just need to get over
this and "man up" as S would say. I have to. These slightly neurotic
ideas don't just stop with the idea of topping someone. I have the
'what if I'm not good enough in bed' thoughts and I really do need to
let them go, embrace my sexual being and get on with it. I held back
from doing something the other night because I was scared of just not
being very good and I wanted to kick myself for it. It's not that the
situation won't arise again, I just need to stop being such a pussy.

Even just writing this has made my mind wander and think that maybe I
can do it. Everyone has to start somewhere and of course I'm not
going to be perfect the first time, or ever, for that matter. I do
want to do bad things to others; they just need to want me to do bad
things to them!